Trust Issues.

Once upon a time, I had trusted.
But now, I'm just plain guarded.
Can't seem to find the strength,
To open up.

It's like I'm free falling, from
The World's tallest building.
I've braced myself for impact,
But I don't know when or if
I'll ever hit the ground.

I wish opening up, was as easy
And simple as letting someone in.
Though, my whole life I've been told
That there's no goodness in me.

Only a 99% chance of flash flooding
Because the only thing that anyone sees,
Is me drowning in a quicksand of sin.

It's not easy putting myself out there,
And keeping a smile plastered on my face.
If only I knew anyone to this problem, who
Can relate.

Maybe one day, with any luck
I'll be able to transform my freefall
Into one of a trust fall.

Trust me when I say, I want to trust you.
But letting You in, means that my monsters
Will come out - 

So it's something that I'd rather not talk about.

Only when I'm alone and behind
Closed doors, do I ever scream and
Let it all out.

Just like everything in life,
My trust comes at a price.
I'm not easily bought.

After Years, I've developed a thick skin built on suspicion.
Due to my history and bad habit,
Of being blinded to fake friendships
And the toxic ways of the wrong sort.

I've only ever known "niceness"
To secretly hide behind a façade,
Of only the best quality of masks.
Worn by masters of disguises.

Everything I thought I once
Knew of genuine kindness,
Suddenly shrouds and chokes me
In a thick smoke cloud of doubt.

I have to be careful with who I let in, if ever I am to regain my balance and stop falling.

If you find yourself thinking that you
Can't deal with all these fragile and cracked pieces
That make up all of me, then this is your final warning
To get the hell out.

- Alexandra Pierotti.